My First Big Round of Mommy Guilt

September 1, 2010 § 3 Comments

So, in my last post I raved about breastfeeding. I talked about how much I love it as a bonding experience with Ainsley and that I was surprised at how much I enjoy it. I talked about how proud I was that with my pumping each day at work she had not had a drop of formula yet.

Well, just a short week and a half after my post….FAIL in the exclusive breastfeeding department. My supply took a little bit of a nose-dive and her little appetite went on the rise (to a not-so-little appetite).

I was sick to my stomach last Monday when I picked my sweet girl up from daycare and they told me that the daily supply I was providing just wasn’t cutting it.  She acted hungry after each bottle and went through my small frozen supply (Because my company paid for my breast pump I had to wait for them to order it and received it only shortly before I went back to work – thus my back-up supply was minimal).

I immediately felt like a failure.  We were doing so good. Why had things all of sudden changed? Why couldn’t I keep up my end of the bargain? Every day last week, each of my three daily treks up to the 5th floor lactation room I held my own private pity party thinking about what a failure I was…how I was failing my child.

Yeah, I know, I’m an idiot.

This week I snapped back to reality.

Each afternoon, daycare hands over an infant “daily sheet” is what they call them. Josh and I call them “progress reports.” 🙂 Basically it gives me the run down of when and how much she ate, her naps and her diaper changes. They also include any important notes or comments. A recent one included the comment, “Ainsley is doing GREAT with the formula.”

Of course she is. She happy, satisfied and nourished. And what else is there to be concerned with?

Absolutely nothing. Certainly not my self-involved thoughts of the past couple weeks.

First bout of mommy-guilt…..conquered.

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§ 3 Responses to My First Big Round of Mommy Guilt

  • Krisa says:

    I used to give myself so much guilt in the beginning about giving the girls formula! It gets easier – we just want to do what’s best for our girls – just means you’re a good mama!

  • So glad to find your blog! Come visit me at mine sometime. 🙂

    I went through the whole breastfeeding guilt, too. Luckily I started pumping when C was around 1 month old so I had a pretty good supply built up by the time I went back to work at 3 months, so when my supply starting decreasing I was able to hold on for a little bit longer. But I too threw a pity party for myself when I had to introduce formula. It’s not that it was a big deal, but I had just planned on breastfeeding exclusively for a year, but my body had other plans. I had to give myself a moment or two to grieve the loss of that goal, and then quickly move on. Ainsley is obviously thriving, and you are doing a GREAT job! Be proud of that accomplishment!

  • Nicolle Meadows says:

    I feel you on this whole mommy guilt thing and breast feeding. Almost 2 weeks after I went back to work for 2 days I couldn’t get Elizabeth to breast feed from me. I felt so hurt that even though she was taking pumped milk, she wouldn’t take it straight from the source once I got home at night or in the morning before I left. Finally I tricked her and started her on the bottle and then switched half way through. Now even though she is feeding again I’m worried how long it will last for before she refuses again 😦 So let’s both try to keep our heads up because we love our little girls very much and are wonderful parents!

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